Tainted Rose
by star.in.the.dark
Summary: Toby is a girl held captive by her own mind. She has shoved everything, all of the hurt and the pain down so deep and now not even she knows where it is. Dr. Jacob is determined to bring it to the surface, including all the unknown horrors of her past.
1. White Walls

Okay--this is a mixture of inspiration from two not very well known or much read books so i figured I would put it in miscellaneous. If you decide to continue to read this, please let me know whether it is worthwhile continuing and any reviews, good or bad, as long as they're constructive, mind you, would be well appreciated. 

Tainted Rose

Toby glanced around at the four white walls surrounding her. Why does everything have to be white?, she thought. To her, those white, glaring walls were reminding her of every imperfection, every single thing that was not right or good in her. Those walls seemed to have eyes, staring at her, no, through her.

Why, she wondered again, why do the walls have to be white? White hides colors so you can't see what color they really are, or could be. Just like everyone else. They put up their own white walls like the ones glaring so relentlessly at Toby so you can't see what's really inside. Why did the walls have to be white?

"WHY?!" Toby yelled, realizing a moment later she had screamed it aloud.

The kind man who had been sitting across from her ever so patiently was violently startled, but regained his composure surprisingly quickly.

"Toby," he said gently, "you've been thinking somewhere else but not talking. Where have you been?" A pause here, but no response. "Why what?" he continued.

Should I answer him?, Toby pondered. I know what he's trying to do. He wants to delve deep, to have me let it out. Unfortunately, I can't do that, she decided. The place he wants to get is where all the hurt she so desperately and effectively shut away under lock and key. That key, she figured, was destroyed a long time ago.

So she simply answered, in her flat tone of indifference, "I wasn't anywhere. I was sitting here, in this mockery of a comfortable chair, surrounded by these four, white, glaring walls."

She sat back and set her jaw, allowing her eyes to glaze over. She then saw the tiny speck of hope fade from Dr. Jacob's eyes, replaced by something she did not expect. A silent, held-back, tear of defeat, quickly brushed away by a slightly trembling hand.

No matter how much he seems to care, she reminded herself, I can't let him in.


	2. Touched

okay, under the happy and long-awaited review of someone other than the people i told to read it, i have decided to add another chappie to this story. thank you, fuite-du-cirque, i owe it all to you:) let me know if you like the change of point of views, or if i should just stick with Toby.

Dr. Jacob realized he wasn't going to get any farther in this session. With a sigh of resignation, he turned to Toby and said, "This session is over. I'll have your nurse come to take you back to your room now." He said this with a great sign of defeat, almost painfully. He was so amazingly close and he had missed his oppurtunity, his chance, his one window to get into the mind of Miss Toby O'Connor.

A substitute nurse walked in the room, and Dr. Jacob immediately realized it. Nurse Elleni had learned many things about Toby and none of the other nurses wanted to have to look after her, with all of her quirks and, basically, rules. He was about to get up and speak to the nurse when she came in and touched Toby lightly on the shoulder. Toby jumped up and began to flail her arms around and tried to hit the substitute. Dr. Jacob scrambled up immediately and tried to restrain Toby, who was struggling, yelling, and kicking. His fellow doctors came in immediately with a syringe to calm her down. He had finally gotten her in a corner, although she was still struggling, and he injected her with a psychotropic drug to make her calm down. Toby's eyes glazed over, her body relaxed, and the nurses carried her to her room.

Dr. Jacob sat down at his desk and called the substitute nurse back into the room. She was slightly shaken, as would be expected. He realized he had forgotten that Elleni wasn't going to be at work today. She began to speak, but he held up his hand.

"Don't worry, you did nothing wrong. Toby does not like to be touched. At all. When she was found, she had massive amounts of scars all over her body. She had severe internal bleeding. We don't know what the scars are from. Some of them even look like burn scars. We have no idea how she could've survived this, and especially be able to speak and think. Many patients who go through such trauma and she appears to have go catatonic. We are trying to figure out who she is, and what's happened to her. I apologize for not having you informed. You may go finish whatever other duties you may have. Once again, it's not your fault."

The nurse left the room quietly. Dr. Jacob sighed, again, and ran his fingers through his hair. He did this all the time. Toby was one of his most challenging patients, and he felt a great responsibility to protect her. He reviewed her files again, looking at the pictures of all her scars, on her back, her arms, her legs. Who did this to her, he wondered. Who would ever do such a heinous thing to a young girl? He ran his fingers through his hair again.

Thinking aloud, he said quietly, "Who are you, Toby O'Connor? Who are you..."


	3. Psychotropic Compassion

I'm back, all.. Decided not to completely forego this story, and, yes, add another chapter..let me know how it is.

Toby O'Connor slowly opened her heavy-lidded eyes. The room seemed to swirl in slow motion, so she blinked to steady herself, but the room did not stop spinning. She remembered a sharp pain in her arm and feeling herself relax against her will. Nobody touches you, she thought, and nobody can get close to you. No one gets close to you, and no one can hurt you. She repeated this to herself several times to convince herself of it. She figured the effects of the drug would wear off eventually, so she might as well succumb to the sleep that was tugging at her eyes. She realized then that they must have given her a muscle relaxant as well, seeing that her arms and legs did not obey her mind's requests to move. In her mind, she simply shrugged. It just made it easier to sleep..

--

Watching her reaction through the window, Dr. Jacob felt a pang of fatherly compassion towards Toby. He saw her eyes blink slowly as she realized she had been given a muscle relaxant as well. His eyes clouded a bit as the feeling lf helplessness started to sink in. He saw her finally shut her eyes in resignation to the severe drowsiness that was a main characteristic of the injection they had given her. Once again, he ran his hands through his hair several times, and decided to go back to his office and review her file, hoping something new might help shed some light on this dark situation he found himself in. He had to help her, there must be a way, he thought. There must.


End file.
